Ascendance Into Motherhood

Hello, my sweet baby. I often think of so many things I want to say to you, but as I sit here now on my bed, listening to Cage the Elephant- Back Against the Wall, I feel lost for words. I suppose it's my own fault. After all, it's not exactly the most inspiring song for writing to an unborn child. You'll hear it one day. I have plans to play as much music as I can for you to grow from so that you can be just like me in regards to musical repertoire. The song has ended, and now I think I will put on some relaxing music, because this is not at all how I thought this post would go. It's just me idolising some romantic gesture of motherly love. At least it feels that way now, but earlier I had a lot of that sappy motherly love to give! I've now picked a Youtube album I've never heard of called Rainy Days, by Spacemind. Oh my sweet love. I know you will be spacey and other-worldly! I will try to keep us grounded, but I know I am not so grounded, myself. Your...

It is 12:26am, and I am hungry. Fortunately, I have a small apple to snack on, but it is unusually tart for a gala apple, and the skin is tough. I've been better about eating today. Some days are very hard on me, while others, I feel relatively normal. Two days ago was especially hard on me, but yesterday my dad got us pool tags and I went swimming for a little while in the evening. It thundered twice, and even though it was far away, the lifeguard closed the pool for the safety allotted time. Only, the life guard decided to hang out with the kids, being a kid herself, far longer than a mere 15 minutes. That wasn't fun because I was actually cold and wet because the clouds in the distance were blocking the setting sun. The sun did eventually come out as I waited. My hunger kicked in shortly after they reopened the pool, and I had to pee, so I went home fairly soon. I hate asparagus because it makes urine smell very bad, and my sense of smell is even better than before, ma...

I have been meaning to start writing my experiences, but with the visa petitioning and job searching and travelling and visiting my niece who just had her baby, I've felt too overwhelmed to sit down and take the time for myself. Today is a new beginning- one in which I cherish deeply and take delight in experiencing. We had our first ultrasound today, and the baby is 8 weeks and 3 days, as expected. I got to hear the heartbeat and see him/her move. S/he moved inside of me without my knowing. Little heart beating away in rapid anticipation of life. As I sit here I cannot believe the life that is inside of me. I am so touched by the gift of divine creation, and am so blessed to have made such a creation with a soul whose origins were forged from the same star as mine. I am sad to be in a faraway country during such a special time, and yet I feel close to him. I half expected- okay, I completely expected- to be sad and to feel alone in his absence, yet our little one has provided ...