Post 2
It is 12:26am, and I am hungry.
Fortunately, I have a small apple to snack on, but it is unusually tart for a gala apple, and the skin is tough. I've been better about eating today. Some days are very hard on me, while others, I feel relatively normal.
Two days ago was especially hard on me, but yesterday my dad got us pool tags and I went swimming for a little while in the evening. It thundered twice, and even though it was far away, the lifeguard closed the pool for the safety allotted time. Only, the life guard decided to hang out with the kids, being a kid herself, far longer than a mere 15 minutes. That wasn't fun because I was actually cold and wet because the clouds in the distance were blocking the setting sun. The sun did eventually come out as I waited. My hunger kicked in shortly after they reopened the pool, and I had to pee, so I went home fairly soon.
I hate asparagus because it makes urine smell very bad, and my sense of smell is even better than before, making it awful. I thought that if I just had a small amount in a frozen meal for dinner last night that it wouldn't cause the sulphuric odour, but it did.
Today I watched the senate make a fool out of itself and stall for time by pretending to take interest in a proposed bill for single-payer health care. None of the Republicans voted for it, even though it was a Republican who proposed it. This confused me, as I don't understand all the political manoeuvres that take place within the government.
Munching on the apple, crunch crunch, cring cringe at its tartness.
Writing is therapeutic.
Angel and Bella are happy with me and are both on the bed because I put fresh water upstairs after having refused to for months. I did it to make up for putting this horrid, evergreen smelling flea medicine on them. I think they already feel better and have stopped scratching at their pelts. They also like that I washed my soft, silver blanket this evening.
I've spent a lot of time on the Discord Mibba attempt number gazillion today. I felt bad that we did a political trick ourselves by secretly forming a new group and getting everyone to move to that server without informing Justin, the one who brought us together in the first place. He found out today and was depressed about it. I'm pretty sure I would've made a Discord group chat eventually. I've been busy lately with lots of things and would have once things had settled down. This is the first time someone else started the re-union. We switched serves because he permanently banned Emery when Emery wasn't really being a troll for a change. We wanted a stable leader and acted in a very dark-ages manner.
I went to HEB around 11am this morning to avoid traffic and bought a lot of protein drinks and bars. I already feel stronger after having eaten one, even though it did NOT taste like chocolate peanut butter as it had claimed. That's what I get for getting one with 20 grams of protein and 1 gram of sugar.
Today was a pretty sad day for my spirits. David and I miss each other terribly, and I cried a bit. We want to celebrate the creation of life, not mourn our separation. It feels like all the cards are currently stacked against us.
Since I felt so sad, I reached out to my friends to see if they could hang out at The Teahouse or at a park sometime within the next few days. Jay and Liam aren't free until Sunday, so we're thinking of meeting then to avoid bad traffic and crowds. It will be nice to see them, and Meagan, Steven, Mercedes, and possibly Matt, although I've not heard from him.
I just miss my love so much. I had a beautiful vision during an intimate moment today that I can't quite put words to. I just cried instead. I cried in sadness, I cried for beauty. I cried for love. We were like embodiments of the divine mother and divine father. In Olympus, it seemed. The clouds, the golden light. The peace. We were those gods and goddesses, and I felt pure. Our love is pure, and we are sad.
I want this live within me to be rejoiced upon. I see him laying there through the screen and want to hold him. He looks so firm, so real. Not even a screen can pixelate him into an illusion, for he is mine and I have held him. Memories and screens. It saddens me that we are memories and screens. I remember how his voice sounds, so gentle yet firm like the contours of his body. It competes with the fragmented, wifi-unstable shell of a voice that travels thousands of miles to reach my desperate ear.
I imagine he is next to me at night. I have pillows propped up on my right side so that I do not turn and end up on my belly, which cases sore breasts and stomach discomfort. Sometimes, when I am hard of falling to sleep, or worried I'll have bad dreams, I tell myself the pillows are the loving body of the man who created with me. I tell myself he is right next to me as he was nearly 7 months ago, etching his presence into the dimples of my mattress.
It amazes me that we ever argue. It amazes me that we have had such nasty moments amongst the pearls of our relationship. I wish to never again lose this feeling. This enduring, indomitable moment of adoration. The climax of the climb upwards to our highest selves. A climax that raises its own bar at each surpassing twilight hour. A constant spiral upward that only seems to waver in times of trial, only to be triumphed over and conquered in a consistent progression.
Oh how I miss you. Oh how I yearn for you. I worship our relationship. I worship you, and I worship myself, and I worship the beings that have created our souls so that we might find each other. You are my loving light. Not the moon, for the moon is cool and barren, but a star that softly guides me in times of darkness. Perhaps we are both stars that fear being extinguished by the hard, cruel universe, yet, like fire to wicks, continually revive and restore one another when at our final flickers of light.
I celebrate the life I share with you, and the life we've made.
------
This post has been all over the place, but it was much needed. I feel more peaceful and full of love, and I shall sleep with the angels tonight. Hopefully in wakefulness I will not lose the comfort I find with the holy spirits.
Fortunately, I have a small apple to snack on, but it is unusually tart for a gala apple, and the skin is tough. I've been better about eating today. Some days are very hard on me, while others, I feel relatively normal.
Two days ago was especially hard on me, but yesterday my dad got us pool tags and I went swimming for a little while in the evening. It thundered twice, and even though it was far away, the lifeguard closed the pool for the safety allotted time. Only, the life guard decided to hang out with the kids, being a kid herself, far longer than a mere 15 minutes. That wasn't fun because I was actually cold and wet because the clouds in the distance were blocking the setting sun. The sun did eventually come out as I waited. My hunger kicked in shortly after they reopened the pool, and I had to pee, so I went home fairly soon.
I hate asparagus because it makes urine smell very bad, and my sense of smell is even better than before, making it awful. I thought that if I just had a small amount in a frozen meal for dinner last night that it wouldn't cause the sulphuric odour, but it did.
Today I watched the senate make a fool out of itself and stall for time by pretending to take interest in a proposed bill for single-payer health care. None of the Republicans voted for it, even though it was a Republican who proposed it. This confused me, as I don't understand all the political manoeuvres that take place within the government.
Munching on the apple, crunch crunch, cring cringe at its tartness.
Writing is therapeutic.
Angel and Bella are happy with me and are both on the bed because I put fresh water upstairs after having refused to for months. I did it to make up for putting this horrid, evergreen smelling flea medicine on them. I think they already feel better and have stopped scratching at their pelts. They also like that I washed my soft, silver blanket this evening.
I've spent a lot of time on the Discord Mibba attempt number gazillion today. I felt bad that we did a political trick ourselves by secretly forming a new group and getting everyone to move to that server without informing Justin, the one who brought us together in the first place. He found out today and was depressed about it. I'm pretty sure I would've made a Discord group chat eventually. I've been busy lately with lots of things and would have once things had settled down. This is the first time someone else started the re-union. We switched serves because he permanently banned Emery when Emery wasn't really being a troll for a change. We wanted a stable leader and acted in a very dark-ages manner.
I went to HEB around 11am this morning to avoid traffic and bought a lot of protein drinks and bars. I already feel stronger after having eaten one, even though it did NOT taste like chocolate peanut butter as it had claimed. That's what I get for getting one with 20 grams of protein and 1 gram of sugar.
Today was a pretty sad day for my spirits. David and I miss each other terribly, and I cried a bit. We want to celebrate the creation of life, not mourn our separation. It feels like all the cards are currently stacked against us.
Since I felt so sad, I reached out to my friends to see if they could hang out at The Teahouse or at a park sometime within the next few days. Jay and Liam aren't free until Sunday, so we're thinking of meeting then to avoid bad traffic and crowds. It will be nice to see them, and Meagan, Steven, Mercedes, and possibly Matt, although I've not heard from him.
I just miss my love so much. I had a beautiful vision during an intimate moment today that I can't quite put words to. I just cried instead. I cried in sadness, I cried for beauty. I cried for love. We were like embodiments of the divine mother and divine father. In Olympus, it seemed. The clouds, the golden light. The peace. We were those gods and goddesses, and I felt pure. Our love is pure, and we are sad.
I want this live within me to be rejoiced upon. I see him laying there through the screen and want to hold him. He looks so firm, so real. Not even a screen can pixelate him into an illusion, for he is mine and I have held him. Memories and screens. It saddens me that we are memories and screens. I remember how his voice sounds, so gentle yet firm like the contours of his body. It competes with the fragmented, wifi-unstable shell of a voice that travels thousands of miles to reach my desperate ear.
I imagine he is next to me at night. I have pillows propped up on my right side so that I do not turn and end up on my belly, which cases sore breasts and stomach discomfort. Sometimes, when I am hard of falling to sleep, or worried I'll have bad dreams, I tell myself the pillows are the loving body of the man who created with me. I tell myself he is right next to me as he was nearly 7 months ago, etching his presence into the dimples of my mattress.
It amazes me that we ever argue. It amazes me that we have had such nasty moments amongst the pearls of our relationship. I wish to never again lose this feeling. This enduring, indomitable moment of adoration. The climax of the climb upwards to our highest selves. A climax that raises its own bar at each surpassing twilight hour. A constant spiral upward that only seems to waver in times of trial, only to be triumphed over and conquered in a consistent progression.
Oh how I miss you. Oh how I yearn for you. I worship our relationship. I worship you, and I worship myself, and I worship the beings that have created our souls so that we might find each other. You are my loving light. Not the moon, for the moon is cool and barren, but a star that softly guides me in times of darkness. Perhaps we are both stars that fear being extinguished by the hard, cruel universe, yet, like fire to wicks, continually revive and restore one another when at our final flickers of light.
I celebrate the life I share with you, and the life we've made.
------
This post has been all over the place, but it was much needed. I feel more peaceful and full of love, and I shall sleep with the angels tonight. Hopefully in wakefulness I will not lose the comfort I find with the holy spirits.
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